Of course, that makes me feel like a giant jerk, chasing skirts like way too many other wolfish guys out there. The difference, naturally, is that I'm looking for a relationship, not a one-night stand, but that doesn't really make me feel better about it. I like to imagine love is something you just stumble into blindly, and that it happens without your involvement. Trying to maneuver myself into its path feels -- well -- like cheating, and also (to an extent) slimy.
Being realistic, though, I have very little opportunity to meet girls if I'm not making an honest effort to get out and leave myself lying around places they commonly congregate. They certainly don't flock into my house, or sit in my editing space, or come by to peek over my shoulder while I'm animating. They don't tend to sit down next to you and chat at the movies, either. Nor do they really storm into church to meet you (not mine, anyway), or get hired at your workplace (in the film industry particularly -- and my company has a non-fratinization policy, anyway). And for a guy who doesn't hit the bars or the clubs or take classes or chill with the hipsters at green cafes and Starbucks... WHERE DOES A GUY MEET A GIRL NATURALLY???
So that's been on my mind. Also, this:
What is a male's "feminine side?"
I was in the kitchen today at work, and I made this realization: my life has a severe lack of "cute and cuddly." As in, I live with very little warmth. I sleep on my couch, get in my car, log onto my computer at work, punch in my time every night, grab something from the fridge and put it on the stove, and cut some video or type out a scene, and call it a night. That's a pretty lifeless, loveless day, especially to be repeated time and again.
So it got me thinking, "What am I searching for? Why do I need a girl? What can she offer than guys obviously don't?" Dirty answers aside, it seems to be that I'm missing the hugs and kisses and -- I guess -- the girliness a guy apparently needs in his life.
Guys, who are so intensely devoted to securing a "macho" and "manly" image, and shunning all things that aren't murder, vengeance, or power, apparently have a spot in their hearts -- or souls -- where we NEED that softness, that cuteness, and that comfort that women are brimming with. IS THAT THE SO-CALLED 'FEMININE SIDE,' and maybe a better question, WHY CAN'T WE ADMIT WE HAVE THAT?
A further trick to this is that (and I realize I now draw dangerously close to requiring disclaimer that the following applies perhaps solely to myself and not my entire sex) this sense not only applies to what we want to receive, but also to what we want to *give.*
--I don't want to simply have a girl who I find cute and cuddly; I want a girl who finds ME ALSO cute and cuddly, and with whom I can even behave this way.
This relates back to my prior question of having a feminine side. Here's an interesting twist (that, again, some guys may not share) -- the breakdown isn't complicated:
With other guys, I want to be the most badass of the group -- the fearsome leader that the others will admire.
I want guys to respect me.
With girls -- ready for this? -- I want to be seen as cute, disarming, and maybe even a little infantile.
I want girls to adore me.
(Boy, does that sound insecure! But then, throw in a little Darwinism, and it makes perfect sense that my mating strategy would partly compliment the evident instinctual fear women have of dominant and threatening men. So, in my favor, I'll claim my response as being an evolutionary assist-)
And in mixed company, it gets really tricky. I can't get respect from guys if I'm playing baby for girls, and I can't be cute and lovable if I'm playing tough guy for the boys (and IRL, it gets worse: I get shy around girls, and comfortable around guys, and ultimately FLIP-FLOP the two: cold and scary around girls, immature and goofy around guys!)
I realize this is not only rambly but also growing lengthy, but I think it's both interesting and vital to address. Men see images like James Bond as the apex of masculinity: cold, distant, and generally detached in all relationships. But I don't think that's really in a man's nature, so much as it's the nature of our modern "manly" definition.
My hypothesis? Maybe wanting someone cute to cuddle up to -- or to *be* cute and cuddle up to -- isn't as feminine as we generally classify it. Maybe wanting cuddle time with someone soft and adorable is a more human trait than a gender one.
Maybe a guy's "feminine side" is actually the severe and harmful lack of femininity in his life -- "femininity" that humans rely on for happiness.
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