I've Seen What I'd Have To Blog To Stop Men Like Him

3...2...1... -nah, just kidding. Too early.

Happy holidays from Hancock International Airport in Syracuse, New York. My stinkin' puddle jumper seems to have spurred its last spaw, because my flight's been delayed. Hopefully not too late, or I'll miss my connection in Philadelphia, arrive late in Los Angeles, hang up my transportation, not pick up the dog I'm sitting, etc. etc. So it's a little bit imperative that somebody figures something out and we all get where we're trying to go.

Given that it's very nearly 2010, I think it's time to take a look back through the year and see what went right and what went wrong. So here goes.

JANUARY: I moved to Los Angeles, though still a student, and began studying with ICLA. I took up an internship with Open Road Films, and wound up with a boom mike and a really solid crew credit on their upcoming feature film, Bold Native.

FEBRUARY: Lived at Oakwoods and loved the sun and 80 degrees. Also enjoyed my first In-n-Out Burger and Bob's Big Boy (perhaps a little *too* much). Also sorted out the bus system swiftly.

MARCH: March is the first-ever International Nicolas Cage Day, which me and my colleagues enjoyed. I lost my phone, but gained Guitar Hero. It completed me. I also almost got thrown out of my apartment for lighting an alien ship on fire in the yard. Apparently they take open flames extremely seriously in California.

APRIL: I met Cory Edwards in person for lunch, and we had a good talk. Also shot my last Rootclip, which performed pathetically (despite being made overnight in a matter of hours). I also performed my Nicolas Cage impression for the writer of his film, Face/Off, but accidentally busted out Hayden Christiansen instead and made a total fool of myself. Fail.

MAY: I came back to New York and graduated. My degree is fairly worthless, but I miss Ithaca College, anyway. I also got word that Kelly Services had more (high-paying) transcription for me, that would last all summer, but it turns out it didn't.

JUNE: An unsuccessful month of trying to get work. Nate scored a job that kept him quite busy, ruining my hopes and dreams of shooting a solid indie feature. I wrap up The Fungus-Ridden Collection Volume 3.

JULY: Another depressing month of no work. Though I apply for basic positions, my ability to be hired deteriorates with the oncoming departure date for California.

AUGUST: The wildest month of my life, possibly. I moved to California. I gave away my parrot in an unexpected twist. I lived with Allen DiBenedetto for two weeks. I documented it all.

SEPTEMBER: My first month in LA. My housemates and I settled on a home, which was immediately burgled the night after moving in. My computer and some other electronics were taken. I began a job hunt, which (I didn't realize at the time) would continue for the remainder of the year. Also, my car dies.

OCTOBER: I got hired onto 'The Lie' as a professional production assistant, which was much different from what I had expected. I got very little sleep, lost a lot of weight, and discovered a new appreciation for everything in my life that had nothing to do with filmmaking. I also attended the wrap party with the rest of the cast and crew, and suddenly felt like it was all worth it. I also got my first-ever speeding ticket, for about $400.

NOVEMBER: Twentieth Century Fox TV hired me as a production assistant for their upcoming pilot, 'Keep Hope Alive.' I went in to fill out paperwork and lend a hand around the office for a couple days. I also received a copy of Flash, which I immediately started animating with.

DECEMBER: Dad fell out of a tree and fractured his hip, and Keep Hope Alive informed me that I would not PA on their show after all. The Falcon Punchathon raised record amounts of money, and I scored interviews and prospective positions with movie trailer companies. I visited home for the holidays, caught up mildly with friends, and came back to LA on New Year's Eve to ring in 2010.

Swell recap, right? A little boring maybe, but it's old news anyway. People on Facebook have read far more detailed accounts from my original LA journal entries. And besides, we all know I'm really just killing time waiting for an airplane to arrive.

My, What A Wonderful Blog You've Discovered!

Not only am I ready for 2009 to end, I think I'm ready to go back to California again. Not sure about all of you, but the holidays this year really beat the tar out of me. I'm normally a pretty festive guy, but I think all the excitement and joy of playing Christmas ran out early, and I'm instead playing "feed freezing chickens" and "sweep out chimneys."

I love my family -- I do -- but I prefer life in the suburbs booking appointments and chatting scripts, and will probably never understand the driving need to vanish into the countryside, out of cell service and forty minutes from the nearest Starbucks. And this 5-degrees-and-freezingly-windy needs to stop. I'll take my 50 degrees and slight breezes rippling the palm trees over clouds of face-melting acid snow gusting down from the treetops like some sort of attacking elemental hawk.

I seriously ran out of time much quicker than I thought I would. I had been hoping to stop by and see people, to maybe do some writing, finish a few videos, perhaps shoot a new one, play video games with my brother, watch Die Hard for Christmas (or at least Home Alone, or even Jim Carrey dressed as the Grinch), etc. When the holidays only come once a year -- and you love them more than any other day or season -- it can cause a blow to your emotions to come back and feel like they cheated right around you and left you picking up the wrapping paper.

I saw Watchmen again last night. It wasn't nearly as good as I remembered.

This Is One Doodle That Can't Be Unblogged, Home-Skillet.

Gotta love how I make up for lost blogging time over the last week of 2009, huh?

So tonight, I've put the finishing touches on a new, animated holiday short (link here!) My hopes to have it live by Christmas were sadly dashed amidst the chaos of hospital visits, making rent, taking interviews, and shopping for presents. But as I always like to say, better late than never, eh? And besides, with 2009 coming to a close, the net could use one last Fungus-Ridden hoorah before shifting pages to start accumulating films for our 2010 catalogue. 'Tis the season for last-minute surprise additions.

This short, like several other of my animations, features characters I first designed in high school (and who have made a few appearances ever since, in other clips, websites, and even a computer game!) The two I've used in this film are MR. BUSHHOG and MR. WIZARD. Mr. Bushhog is an adorable little ball of fur; he's got no arms and no mouth, but he's astonishingly capable considering. He originated as a side-kick, but came to the forefront when I discovered his undeniable cuteness made him an instant crowd-favorite. Mr. Wizard, even more sparsely-faced than Mr. Bushhog, was designed as an unlucky-but-lovable little hazard zone. Though he was once the sole subject of every unnatural fate, torment, and act of God, he's since taken up the spot of Supporting Character, and has instead become something of an oblivious bad luck charm for his furry, pig-nosed friend.

The initial animation file for this short had been tentatively called "Hog for the Holidays," but I couldn't come to grips with how idiotic that sounded. Plus, I suffer this massive, unjustified fear that Mr. Bushhog will keep the 'Hog nickname forever and turn into some sort of punk icon. On a related note, I'm interested in renaming him, but having difficulty doing it. He is, for certain, a bushhog... but he is not the *only* bushhog. In fact, there are reportedly scores of them, living in villages and running shops and riding buses... But he's the only one represented in my cartoons thus far. If I add new 'Hogs to the party, you'll have no trouble telling them apart. In the meanwhile, if you think of a good name for our little bushhog friend, be sure to pass it along for consideration! Nothing dumb like Muffins or Harry, though.

Speaking of which, this is my third cartoon short starring Mr. Bushhog and I'm looking to expand the universe. The cast of characters is actually much more expansive than just Mr. Wizard and Mr. Bushhog. I'm essentially at a crossroads as to which direction the next cartoon goes in. A set of storyboards in my desk suggests that the bushhog's next appearance will be at a barber shop, and that a new side character named Mr. Pirate will make a brief appearance. On the other hand, I'm very interested in pursuing an alternate episode taking place at the carnival, which would highlight another major character yet to be seen in any of my animations: Chainsaw the Clown, who's about as helpful and safe as his name implies. I'd like to tackle both shorts eventually, but for now, I'll be testing and considering the production of both.

Happy holidays!

My Boy, We're Pilgrims In An Unholy Blog!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Just some pinches of current news: no job offer yet from Ignition Creative, but I'm remaining hopeful and determined. Whether a position awaits me there or not, I have the drive and commitment to continue dropping in on radars all over Los Angeles, and with 2010 comes the promise of renewed work. It's all a waiting game, and maybe also a surviving game.

I saw that another terrorist attempted an attack flying into Detroit today, and it really made my blood boil. I can't imagine boarding a plane with the intent of killing two-hundred Americans on board, for no purpose but to maim and destroy and upset others. How can any human be so wretched? Such an abominable act of barbaric hatred and baseless malice. As much as I like to support mercy and "taking the high road," I can't help but feel a scumbag like this deserves to be taken off this planet. An individual who will attempt the mass murder of two-hundred civilian strangers is not an individual earning his right to utilize our limited resources and procreate offspring. He's an individual who has proven incapable of even obeying the most simple and understood laws of nature and morality. I don't consider this a matter of education; I consider this a matter of evil.

It certainly tempts me to build myself a solid Iron Man suit and go pummel some thugs hiding in caves on the other side of the world. Starting with the flea-bitten jackals holding our soldier hostage in Afghanistan. Though my vengeful heart should strive to be caring, I can't deny a certain bloodlust for seeing those buttholes smeared all over their cave walls. It may not be justice, but I'd say killers violate their right to it once they clearly fail to honor it.

Wow, what a pissed off post for Christmas. I blame corporate media, because it seems to be the hip and trendy thing to do at the moment.

I'm counting down the last week (or so) before my plane back to Los Angeles. As of now, I'm torn between wanting to get back to my house (and work, and Flash, and a certain tub full of unhealthy snacks that prove poor for my waistline), and wanting to stay here in New York longer. Or at least, long enough to find my old friends, visit some old haunts, and pretend some broken fragment of my high school life still exists. It's funny; I don't understand the common hatred so many people have for their "high school years." I look back on my school -- and my town, really -- quite fondly. There's always some bad mixed with the good, but in general, I have a huge appreciation for the people of my town, whether I lived with them, worked with them, studied with them, or learned from them. I may be a little extra sentimental or biased right now, since the holiday decorations look soooooooo nice downtown (as they do every year).

I reaffirmed to myself the other day that I definitely -- definitely -- want to contribute funds to the Peck Memorial Library at some point, once I have a bit more wealth than one single guy needs. That library holds no special place in my heart... but its ancient, abandoned opera house upstairs is a historical monument and town novelty that I, for one, would love to see renovated and reopened. How many towns can boast a real-life opera house from the 1800's? The library owners were generous enough to allow me to shoot there largely unsupervised on one picture, so I feel an extra sense of both connection and debt to the place. It truly is a remarkable landmark, and one that I feel responsible for saving.

May 2010 prove to be the year in which I can begin my undying crusade to revive the Peck Memorial Opera House to its former, magnificent condition.

A Poweful Blogger, You Will Become!

In the strained and barely-performed words of Hayden Christiansen, "What have I DONE?"

When I boarded my plane at Los Angeles International yesterday, the temperature was floating in the balmy rafters of 60 degrees. And when I exited to change flights in Chicago, it was a frosty 28 degrees. Who knew it was only getting worse from there?

I'm now home in Marathon (now officially "Cincinnatus," as a sign post has since been erected right in front of my house proclaiming the town boundary), and the barometer is reading 21 degrees. Weather.com helpfully suggests that it "feels like 5."

SANTA, THIS IS *YOUR* FAULT! >:O

In other news, I grossly underestimated how many pairs of clothes I left here when I moved. Turns out, I'm stuck wearing size XL t-shirts with giant, obnoxious designs on them, and the same pair of underwear four days in a row.

The good news is, we have dogs here, and my AWROOO screeches are in overdrive. That's substantially refreshing. And lest they be forgotten from this blog, my family's here, too. Other than my dad, who's still in the hospital. But that's close enough.

Blogging Is For Droids!

I had a realization that if I don't keep updating my blog, the month will pass with only one post, and that is something I cannot abide in.

The holidays are fast approaching and my lack of wallet contents is making coming up with presents particularly tricky this year. I fortunately had the fore-knowledge (cough, not really) to stock up on horrifically bad movies throughout the year, so my Giftables collection is satisfactorily plump. However, bad horror flicks are not appropriate gifts for all.

This circumstance has made me especially cognitive of and thankful for my God-given blessing of unyielding creativity, matched with talent I can't credit myself with generating. As I think of my situation, I realize that I am a particularly well-suited individual (so far as humans go) for the challenge of designing meaningful and enjoyable gifts from scratch. All the necessary elements -- clever ideas, ample time, professional knack, and technical resources -- are completely accessible to me, which means I can not only give out presents that still matter, but that they can also be produced for virtually nothing but a little work and a lot of time.

And here you thought Thanksgiving ended three weeks ago...

Before I launch into any extraneous lectures (the limit's one per blog), I need to do a quick Picture Preview. Up In The Air looks banal, Alvin's Squeakquel looks horrendous, Avatar looks mediocre, It's Complicated looks tedious, and Sherlock Holmes makes me furious. Look at those smug smirks on the faces of Robert Downy and Jude Law, pasted all over Hollywood on billboards and posters. Yuck. They had so much fun making that movie. Without me. "Your day will come," sneers Robert Downy's grinning chin from the Highland billboards. "In about NINE THOUSAND YEARS!"

Hey, before I sign off, I watched Ninja Assassin last week. What a complete and dismal use of a movie title, and three hundred stunt men dressed as ninjas. It seems like it'd be impossible to screw up a movie called Ninja Assassin, and I don't know how to say this, but... they definitely screwed it up. Not the enjoyable train wreck of cheesy wire work, bad dialog, and ninja fights that I was expecting.

Okay, now bye.

You Don't Need A Blog To Drive A Sandwich

Amidst a lot of things, I've found a chance to update my blog. Granted, at 2 o'clock in the morning, but still a chance to update my blog.

Today came with news that dear old Pops fell out of a tree while doing some yard work and endured some significant damage to his hips. Two fractures, I believe, as last reported. The medics want him off his feet for potentially six weeks, but he's the kind of guy that really doesn't take doctors' orders very well. At this moment, though, it would appear he doesn't have a lot of choice. Thankfully, it's smack at the start of winter, and aside from hunting and cutting firewood, he's not got a lot of exciting stuff to be taking care of out of the house, anyway. He's got the makings of a grizzled old warrior anyhow. Ah, the benefits of having an adventurous father...

Here on the homefront, I'm developing some paranoia about this Fox comedy pilot I'm supposedly starting this coming week. My primary concern is in that I haven't yet been contacted regarding schedules or sides or set up or anything of the sort. My start paperwork is all in, so it's just about waiting for the word 'Go.' But then, there's always that shadow of doubt that, in Hollywood, you *can* be forgotten, and you *can* be replaced, and you *will* end up on street corners begging for money. So getting a bit of confirmation about this pilot would definitely clinch a bit brighter spirits here... but no word so far.

The Falcon Punchathon was two nights ago, and we again hosted a successful spread of events in cities on both American coasts. Our funding improved, too; on Friday night alone, we accumulated over $200 to donate to children's hospitals, which was a substantial hop from our previous record (made possible by the addition of our friends at RIT and their contributions).

Today, while waiting for an appointment, I decided to stop at Salvation Army and check furniture. What I ended up with instead were seasons 1 and 4 of The Simpsons on DVD. Call it impulse, but the fact that they were there -- and tax-free, and no shipping -- made me spring. And I've also been doing a lot of animation lately, so pulling in extra role model material (particularly the pioneers of family comedy) didn't seem such a bad idea, either. And after all, let's just be honest: I really, really love The Simpsons. Who doesn't? It's a good, solid show with good, solid characters. They maintain that certain childhood nostalgia that everyone somehow relates to.

As much as I prefer movies over television, that's a show I'd be more than satisfied working on the rest of my life. Assuming it's on that long.

Shoot Him Again! His Blog Is Still Dancing!

Ughghghghghgh.

I seem to have come down with something nasty, and it's making me feel like crap today. Coupled with the fact that I'm "caught between jobs" and also a major holiday, it's going to be a complicated few weeks.

I also got news from Nintendo last week that they will NOT support our children's charity, which was kind of devastating. Like they couldn't afford to pitch us a couple hundred bucks for hospitals. Fssssh. Whatever, we'll keep raising it ourselves anyway.

I've been really struggling to write lately, and part of it is because I have a perfectionist attitude. I've heard time and again, "Just skip the hard parts and keep going. Come back to them later -- don't let them freeze you up." But the thing is, I'm recalling the last major screenplay I was at work on and how I hit a major snag early in and tried exactly that. "Let's just power through with whatever comes out and keep moving." But here's what happened: I ended up writing story events that I don't think are probably effective, and a full scene of the most painful dialog I've ever written. Seriously, it makes me cringe every time I glance at it, because I can't believe what a capacity I have to write bad work when I'm in an "off" mood. How can I move on with the rest of the screenplay when there's an absolute groaner of a scene back toward the beginning, and certain events may later hinge on it?

So that's my dilemma. My guess is that I should "keep writing" anyway... but, like I said, I don't even want to open that notebook knowing some of what's inside right now. It's shameful and awful and would be better off not existing, and that's a risk I'm too scared to take: making work that not only doesn't live up to my expectations, but also makes people DISpleased. It's an awkward psychological phobia that I'm kind of still working on. -_-; I think I need to lose it to be a successful writer.

On the flip side, my editing seems to be faring fine right now, and I just recorded a new song the other day for a DVD menu. It's about the goofiest song I've worked on, so I'm excited to discover how it turns out once my post prod partner gets done with it. This one plays with something new I've not tried before: a capella/barber shop music where all instruments are replaced with human voices.

I find that music incredibly irritating, which is precisely why I thought it'd fit this DVD so well. I'll try to make the song public once it's done.

I'm A Blogger, Not A Scientist!

Butternuts.

After two days of office work for Fox's new comedy, "Keep Hope Alive," I'm on relative hiatus until the shoot starts in December. And that, of course, means free time... which, unfortunately, does not at all translate to "rest" or "relax."

I've recently undergone a surge of renewed interest in video games, which is absolutely terrible given the point of life I'm in and what I'm trying to do. Video games have become an absolute Time- and Soul-Sucker. They eat up time like candy, because they're so gosh-darn addicting... and they suck up souls because, well, how else can I write well when I'm distractedly wishing I was playing Mario right now?

Wow. I really wish I was playing Mario right now...

Of course, I'm somewhat happy to embrace my return to nerdship again, too. I really didn't like myself when I backed off games as long as I did; it just didn't feel right, to not get antsy looking over box art or flipping through strategy guides. AJ Pinkerton was not meant to be immune to their charms; he was made to love games and play them, and after going fairly cold for many moons, it's been a welcome refresher to emotionally open up to them again.

Of course, now there's eight months backlogged on store shelves, and no budget for fun and games around this pad. That sounds pretty close to the glory days, actually. Tradition lives forever.

Prepare Blog For Ludacris Speed!

I've been recently watching several of my lower-budget indie movies, as a way of looking for both inspiration and advice on making my break as a director. Tonight, the inevitable happened: I turned to Sam Raimi's Evil Dead II.

I find myself presently unsure still whether it's shockingly stellar or horribly awful. I think part of my confusion comes from watching the behind-the-scenes footage and discovering things like puppeteering wires, goofy dummy corpses, and rotten fat suits with major revealing holes in the butt. And yet, for all these obvious imperfections, I'm still pretty mesmerized with most everything else -- the camera work, the performances, the make up and prosthetics, Raimi's own clever solutions to filming the impossible. And he was so young, too! I'm either in complete awe and respect of him, or terribly jealous.

So now I'm here with notebook open, pondering over new "simple" movie ideas I can pull off with minimal equipment, minimal budget, and minimal help. Coming up with a simple story -- no effects, no stunts, few people -- is certainly not in my genetic make-up.

It's time to be extra special.

Your Blogs Are The Cancer Of This Planet, And We Are The Cure

Today was the first time in a very, very long time -- possibly ever -- where the day started out so hideously that I decided to go back to bed for several more hours.

It turns out that my recently-obtained traffic ticket -- the first of my life -- is commanding a $290 fee. Add to that a $60 fee to take online traffic school and a third fee to update my (valid) drivers license to CA standards, and you've got one irritable AJ with not enough money to invest in Adobe Flash any longer. And I've been very eager to get my hands on that and resume my animation work for quite a while now.

There have been no calls from either Insomniac Games or Square Enix today, either, which also has me a bit sour. Being in their offices yesterday was incredible -- definitely a workplace to end all workplaces. It was half like being at a fresh, lemon-scented GameStop, and half like going to Heaven. Not a bad mix at all.

Tomorrow's looking like a trip to the DMV. "You won't find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy," in the wise words of Obi-Wan.

Life Here Ain't Worth A Blog Of Beans, Elsa

Wow. What an unhappy Halloween.

So on top of a miserable Jack o Lantern fail (picture soon, hopefully), and a pathetic costume fail, and a lack of trick-or-treating and partying, I topped off the night with an unsuccessful hunt for missing video footage and the lame discovery that, of the two major projects I'm still devoting editor's attention to, one is missing key audio and the other probably needs to a full editing overhaul in order to achieve the effect I need.

And to think, I gave up a night of bad horror movies and video games to make these discoveries.

Once again, Macintosh proves to be a total anus about cooperating with my lust for file types, and without hunting down old freeware and trialware that I'd armed my last lappy with, I can rest assured that nothing will work properly. I'd whine and ask why life feels the need to be so darn difficult... but had I put in a DVD four hours ago, I'd have found that sometimes, it isn't. Sigh.

Church tomorrow -- a place I haven't been at in two weeks, which I feel bad about. Go figure, I'm already drained from just facing the day (and missing all expectations) and trying to find corners to cut in enjoying my day tomorrow. Probably what I need most right now is sleep, but I hate giving up on the day and going to bed without achieving some form of victory. Like running away to bed is actually solving anything. But I think tonight, I don't want to deal with .asf and .ogg and .idon'tloveyou and .thiscan'tbeopened.

Bibbity Bloggity Boo!

It's not that I don't want to blog. Honestly, I do. It's that I don't got time.

So I've recently been on the production of The Lie, an independent feature based on short story by T.C. Boyle and starring Joshua Leonard (The Blair Witch Project, Hump Day). LOOOOOONG hours, LOOOOOOW pay, but otherwise rewarding in its own right. There's some great people on crew and we've already hit some legendary locations (including an overnight shoot at the REAL Camp Crystal Lake from Friday the 13th, Part 3). And the best part is my short animation ("The Nosy Spider") is featured in one scene. Now THAT'S exposure! That all said, though, part of me isn't sure what to think anymore about movies.

This is a lot of trouble for a mostly-improvised movie, with no explosions or car chases or gun fights. How much more daunting can one of those movies be?

Enter animation. The golden format. No actors; no cameras; no lights. No laws of physics. No safety precautions. No location permits. Just cute characters, family fare, silly scripts, and fast-track 3D. And at a third of the cost of Spider-Man. Now that's what I call movie-making.

Gad, I need to get Flash back...

Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Blog?

Greetings from the NEW MAC!

Awwww yeah. OS X 10.6.1 now, and looking SHARP in black keys and trim. Also boosted processing power and hard disk space, which makes a man extra happy. And updated copies of Final Cut, Compressor, Motion, Color, DVD Studio, and even Garage Band? Looks like Santa's been down MY chimney...

(No perverse comments to that)

And of course, with great power comes great blogs. I mean, responsibility. Now that I've got an upgraded Mac and some software to run, it's time to get back into the video vaults and edit new material. Nothing's gotten started yet, but once my music library is back up and running, I'll take on a few new projects (and a lot of old ones).

Also, I've been on set this week -- or rather, building what will become the set -- and it's looking optimistic for continued future work. Making lots of contacts who are busy with their own films and looking for help, so I may finally have a mobile web to bounce from one picture to the next. Let's hope this business doesn't slow down any further, or I could go senior citizen before I make it to the director's chair...

Harry! You're A Blogger!

So what's the score now?

Word won't let me update my resume.

Yahoo won't let me update my website.

Final Draft won't let me update my screenplay.

MacDrive won't let me update my license.

Blogger won't let me update my blog. Maybe.


Forget you guys. I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow.

I've Got My Blog On You!

I'll be honest about this:

Now that my Mac is gone, I have absolutely no idea what movie quotes I've already used as Blog Titles and which ones I haven't. Cause without my Mac's special ability to save the old text I've entered in that box, and without the energy to look through my old posts, I'm completely screwed.

Beyond that bit, nothing new or impressive in the world. Still jobless; still unloved. I met with an alum today for drinks (NON-ALCOHOLIC-) and we chitter-chattered about the industry more. It's coming to my attention more and more that I should be writing (a screenplay, not my blog), but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. The energy and utter fail waiting in the wings just stalls me out each time.

My current situation is this plague of a screenplay idea, where the main character ends up joining this insane sports league that no human being should ever be part of. And the trick is, I have to determine a NEED. WHY would this guy get involved with a sport like this? I've made a list of reasons why, and so far, they're all total crap. Because the true answer is, HE WOULDN'T. HE'D GO HOME, SIT ON THE COUCH, AND WATCH LENO AT 10.

But wow, that's a terrible twist for the screenplay. So in order to give the audience what it wants, this guy's gotta decide to join the league. And that means *I* gotta figure out why.

You guys should stop being so demanding.

Batman Has No Blogs...

Wow. I love how incredibly optimistic and enthusiastic all my Facebook statuses have recently become.

Observe the trend:



August 18th: AJ Pinkerton was stopped at the California border today. Yoshi is apparently a non-native invasive species in the state of California and therefore may not enter the state. He moves to an adoption center for parrots in Phoenix tomorrow morning. Happy frickin birthday.

August 26th: AJ Pinkerton FAILS AT IRONING! >:O This is why God made girls

August 29th: AJ Pinkerton sans house, job, pet, and patience: miserable curmudgeon extraordinaire.

September 2nd: AJ Pinkerton is SICK OF GETTING HONKED AT / HIGH-BEAMED. IF YOU HATE MY LOS ANGELES DRIVING, GET OUT OF YOUR CAR TO TELL ME SO I CAN AT LEAST RUN YOU OVER. >:#

September 8th: AJ Pinkerton was welcomed to the neighborhood by someone who broke into his house and stole his Mac, iPod, and digital camera. It's the thought that counts.

September 11th: AJ Pinkerton is impressed. Only one murder and four rapes in his neighborhood this week. Crime apparently *does* call in sick...

September 16th: AJ Pinkerton 's college mail has finally -- officially -- bitten the dust.

September 20th: AJ Pinkerton just found more old photos of his parrot and ignited his vengeance against California once again. How about keeping fricken robbers out of my house instead of beloved pets?

September 21st: AJ Pinkerton thinks that if life's gotta be a roller coaster, then he'd rather it be a kiddy one. The kind that looks like a big caterpillar and goes in circles, and just has little bumps in it.

September 23rd: AJ Pinkerton thinks California should've just handed him a "We Hate You; Go Away" packet when he first arrived, so at least he could keep track of all the documentation.


On the plus side, I don't quite qualify as Emo. On the downside, I'm pissed off all the time. It's an awkward trade.

While I'm blogging, how about this little story: to make up for my iPod being snatched, I picked up a (GET THIS!) portable CD player for my car instead, and a bunch of blank CDs to make mixes out of. I went home and got right to work on the first one: BADASS MUSIC FOR THE FAINT OF HEART, so I can at least feel dark and scary and brood in honking traffic to something angry and sinister playing. BUT...

The CDs don't work. I don't mean, they don't sound right, or they bend too easily, or they don't fly well when you throw them. I mean, plain and simply, that you can't do anything with them. Neither the computer nor the CD player will touch them.

Blank CDs. CD-Rs, more technically. You know, the kind that have been around since the 90's.

I found it funny that I was even buying them, as I've grown far more accustomed to picking up hard drives, or packs of DVDs at least, than writable CD media. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and I needed music. But who would have thought that here, in 2009, at a Los Angeles Staples, I could lay down $8 on a pack of CD-Rs that get less response from my computer than when I jam a piece of buttered toast in the disc drive.

(Maybe I should try saving my playlist onto some buttered toast...)

Just to verify that the discs, and not my drive, were the problem, I borrowed a disc from a roommate and it worked like a charm. So the story has a happy ending -- I have BADASS MUSIC FOR THE FAINT OF HEART for my drive to get a smog test tomorrow -- but I also have 50 blank CDs to do absolutely nothing with. Hot.

And then, while drowning my sorrows at Burger King, they screwed up every element of my three-item order. I didn't even bring any of it back.

We Are What We Choose To Blog

Today is the first day that I update my blog from my home. So greetings from the red shanty on 11th Avenue.

To mark my first (triumphant) blog post from home, I'm recapping the miserable list of mishappenings since I arrived in this state. Read closely; these events may very well end up in a pitiful Ben Stiller movie someday.

:::

Week 1: State of California issues a rejection notice upon my (attempted) entrance. Yoshi the parrot turns out to be an invasive non-native species.

Yoshi the parrot is put up for adoption in a Phoenix animal shelter, after ten years of commraderie. State of Jackassafornia inspects vehicle and allows my entrance.

:::

Week 2: Danny Gomez receives a copy of my resume on the CBS lot and immediately passes me on to the higher-ups. He asks for an email copy of my resume to share around.

I accidentally send Danny the wrong file. Instead of attaching my resume for him to share, I send a nasty letter to Ithaca College about the lack of industry training I received from them.

:::

Week 3: I spend my first night sleeping on the floor in the red house. In the morning, I go to breakfast with my housemates.

Red house gets broken into while I'm gone. Burglar steals my laptop, camera, and iPod. "Unknown suspect fled in unknown direction," writes a helpful police report.

:::

Week 4: My internship company invites me to attend an animal rights fund raiser at the Riviera Country Club on Sunset Boulevard. It's a black tie affair.

As I get dressed to leave, I discover that my tuxedo has a hole burned through it from the car ride across the country. I wear a nice shirt and tie instead.

:::

Week 5: I discover, in the midst of applying for auto insurance, that I have been giving out the wrong house address for weeks.

I make some desperate calls to reroute a paycheck being mailed to the wrong house.

:::

Week 6: ... (in progress) ...

Blog Like A Butterfly, Sting Like A Bee!

So, I have a house. I did not tell you that last, but I do. It's small and red, Spanish and cute, and it's very cozy and has a beautiful color scheme between its red walls and green lawn. The neighborhood is generally relaxed and friendly, about fifteen minutes south of Hollywood and five from Beverly Hills. I have a private back entrance, an effective ceiling-mounted fan, a flat roof accessible from indoors, and (I assume) a grand view of the Hollywood sign from there. Not bad, LA. Not bad.

So the housing hunt is over and our rent has begun, but that doesn't say much for the job search yet. Nobody's been calling, although I have numbers for upcoming productions shooting locally. Cory Edwards (yesterday) wrote that major financiers are now interested in backing Fraggle Rock, which means the budget may finally be together and production can green-light! That's good for me, as I'm looking for a big project to get hired onto and, having already met Cory, it'd be a much easier film to get a jump onto than most.

By the same token, Beard Srinivasan tells me that Spider-Man 4 is shooting at Columbia this winter -- which is ideal for me, as I live about ten minutes from Columbia's studios now. Besides, someone online once claimed I reminded him stylistically of Sam Raimi. We were meant for each other, obviously, and Spider-Man 4 would also be a great "starting" project to work on.

Pictures of my house coming soon. Yayyayay.

But Why Is The Blog Gone?

Haha. I love a good Fail. Especially the kind that usually end up on the FML boards.

Remarkably enough, Danny Gomez contacted me by phone this morning to say he wanted a copy of my resume on email; he had friends on other productions who were looking for someone, and apparently my name had stuck with him. Go figure! Mr. Hustle himself pulled through for me after all!

So I eagerly got on my email and shuttled him my resume, along with a brief message about having just started watching Tracey Ullman's State of The Union and enjoying its comedy.

Twenty minutes later, it dawned on me that I didn't attach my resume. I attached my complaint letter to Ithaca College about having not received a competitive education from them and being ill-equipped to launch a successful career in the entertainment industry.

omr. Danny, don't open that. Please don't forward it to everyone you know who needed a production assistant, either. It's the wrong file. I'm an idiot, I know.

Life's little ironies. It likes to pee on your leg from time to time and run away snickering.