It's As If She Vanished -- Straight Through The Blog...

I decided earlier to play around with cutting some more moving footage of me on my trip to LA, which was maybe a bad decision. I could find ways to be witty and clever about how to say this, but I'm just going to be forward and say it plainly: I miss my little parrot _so_ _much_. Spending ten years with someone and then losing him in the span of 48 hours to some government agency you've never heard of or cared about is a tough way to lose friends, especially the ones you share your daily life with.

Sometimes, I still think about going back for him. I suppose it's more like 'wondering' about going back for him, because I don't have a viable plan that could ever be pulled off legally, and as tempting as it is to smuggle a pet parrot across the border, that's a huge step into outlaw territory over one very small animal. And with every day, or week, or month that passes between today and when I lost him, I get the impression that he's more and more moved on with whatever life he has in the shelter. Were I to return to Arizona to take him, I can imagine he may hardly recognize me, let alone be pleased to see me after what probably seems to him like abandonment. And the trials of keeping a pet safe and quiet, especially as a fugitive from the law, in a house full of other people, is no feat I'm prepared to undertake.

I caught myself last week mentioning Yoshi to someone, and it hurt when I noticed my chosen words: "I used to have a parrot..." Used to. He's not mine anymore; he may not be dead or gone, but he's out of my house and out of my life, and it's still hard to believe.

As miserable a little curmudgeon as he consistently was, it really is true what they say: you don't realize how much you can miss something until it's gone. I never suspected how much he and his little quacks and squawks meant to me until I knew I may never hear them again.

Now the only question that remains is, is it harder to imagine and forget them, or relive them through our final video together. I'm not positive which is more painful, or merciful.